Losing someone you love is one of life’s most painful experiences. And when someone you know is grieving, it can be hard to find the right words. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or making their pain worse. That’s why knowing what to say to someone that lost a loved one is so important. With the right words, you can offer comfort, support, and presence in their darkest time.
In this article, we’ll explore thoughtful, sincere things you can say, along with what to avoid, to help you support a grieving friend or family member with kindness and empathy.
1. Keep It Simple and Heartfelt
Sometimes less is more
You don’t need to say something profound—just being there and showing you care is enough. A simple, heartfelt message can mean the world.
What to say:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’m thinking of you and sending love.”
- “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m here for you.”
Why it works:
These phrases are sincere and non-invasive. They acknowledge the loss without overwhelming the person or minimizing their grief.
2. Offer Specific Support
Go beyond “Let me know if you need anything”
While that phrase is kind, it puts the burden on the grieving person. Instead, offer specific help they can say yes or no to.
What to say:
- “Can I bring you dinner tomorrow night?”
- “Would it help if I ran errands for you this week?”
- “Can I come sit with you or just be around if you need company?”
Why it works:
Grief can make it hard to ask for help. Offering something concrete makes it easier for them to accept support.
3. Share a Memory If Appropriate
Speak from the heart about the person who passed
If you knew the loved one, sharing a personal memory can bring comfort and show how much their life mattered.
What to say:
- “I’ll never forget how your dad used to make everyone laugh.”
- “Your sister was so kind to me when I needed it. I’ll always remember that.”
- “She had such a beautiful soul—I’m grateful I knew her.”
Why it works:
Memories can help the grieving person feel less alone in their sorrow and more connected to those who loved their person too.
4. Be Okay With Silence
Sometimes the best support is just being present
You don’t always need to fill the silence. Sitting with someone, listening, or even just being near can bring comfort.
What to say:
- “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
- “I’m here to listen whenever you need.”
- “You don’t have to say anything—I’m just here with you.”
Why it works:
Being present without pressuring them to talk shows deep compassion. Silence, shared with love, can be healing.
5. Avoid Common Pitfalls
Some well-meaning phrases can feel hurtful
It’s easy to say the wrong thing, even with the best intentions. Avoid trying to explain the loss or rush their healing.
What NOT to say:
- “They’re in a better place.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “You’ll feel better soon.”
Why it doesn’t work:
These phrases can feel dismissive of someone’s pain. It’s better to focus on empathy and presence than on trying to fix or explain the loss.
Final Thoughts: Say It With Love and Presence
When you’re unsure what to say to someone that lost a loved one, remember: your goal isn’t to take away their pain, but to walk beside them through it. Kind words, quiet presence, and simple offers of help go further than you think. Speak from your heart, avoid clichés, and be willing to simply listen.
You don’t need perfect words—you just need to be there.